Thursday, April 30, 2009

As promised and without further ado

I did say I would put up a few writing samples, so here are three. The first is a poem; the remaining two are song lyrics. Don't be afraid to tell me what you think.

Apocalypse

I am walking on a dark deserted road
With nothing to light my way
And no one to break the unbearable
Silence that engulfs me.
I trip, then stumble, reaching out
Into blackness to brace myself
Against thin air should I start to fall.
I cannot see far enough ahead
To know which direction I should turn
Which way leads to safety?
Which will put me in harm's way?
I expect no answer and am not disappointed.

As I walk, my mind's television
Replays past episodes in a non-stop marathon.
Even knowing how each one ends
They still have the power to shock, to hurt.
Now that's entertainment!

My trip through dusty mental corridors
Is interrupted when, in the distance,
I hear a young boy's voice call out for help.
I walk toward the sound
But it remains ever distant.
Can I close the distance
And reach the voice in time?

Running now, I try to reach him, to save him
From that imagined and unseen Fate
With such power to terrify. Still,
The voice keeps calling to me
But it is more faint, as if resigned
To that unknown which awaits it.

Running, I struggle to reach the voice
When suddenly, the sound is gone.
The voice is silent.
I am too late. The child is gone.
At once, there is awareness
As the all too powerful truth reveals itself.

In that instant, I realize
The child is me. And I am lost.


Broken

See the old man shuffle down the street
He turns his eyes from every face he meets
The things he's done, the pain he feels inside
No one can guess

In Vietnam, he won a Silver Star
But lost his wife because he'd gone too far
Now he locks it all down deep within
And does his best

Broken and beaten down
Patiently hoping things will turn around
But if you listen close, you'll hear the sound
Of uncried tears and unvoiced fears
Broken and bruised inside
Simply searching for a place to hide
From the memories of dreams that died
Lost long ago

See the young girl lying on the ground
Twelve stories later, peace she's finally found
What caused the break, what was the final straw
No one can know

Turned out on the street at 17
She tried to stay nice in a world turned mean
Until at 21, she'd seen enough
And let it go

Broken and beaten down
Finally gave up hope things would turn around
But in the final silence echoes sounds
Of uncried tears and unvoiced fears
Broken and bruised inside
Taking flight to find a place to hide
From the memories of dreams that died
Not long ago

Like a puzzle with a missing piece
A glass that's shattered on the ground
Something left them feeling incomplete
And what they sought was never found

The old man lives life in a private hell
Goes through the motions answering the bell
Searching for answers in a wishing well
They're buried deep

Broken and beaten down
Desparately hoping things will turn around
But if you listen close, you'll hear the sound
Of uncried tears and unvoiced fears
Broken and bruised inside
Simply searching for a place to hide
From the memories of dreams that died
Lost long ago

Memories of dreams down deep inside
He can't let go


Now, to end on a brighter note (think Bruce Springsteen's "Fire" crossed with Dr. John and a little Mardi Gras flavor):

With Arms Open Wide

I saw you standing in the corner -
I thought I'd take a closer look -
And when I got you on the dance floor
You know one dance is all it took -

I thought that this could be forever -
I felt that you could be the one -
But girl, now please don't let me rush you -
I know the fun has just begun -

But when I look into your eyes I see
Something I've never seen before
I see a window into someone else's heart
And right beside it there's an open door
I think I'll take a chance and walk on through
To see what's on the other side
I hope that I will find you waiting there for me
With arms open wide

I know it shouldn't be this simple -
I know that I should shop around -
But I know I'll find nothing better -
Than what I've already found -

(instrumental - horns)

But when I look into your eyes I see
Something I've never seen before
I see a window into someone else's heart
And right beside it there's an open door
I think I'll take a chance and walk on through
To see what's on the other side
I hope that I will find you waiting there for me
With arms open wide

I know it shouldn't be this simple -
I know that I should shop around -
But I know I'll find nothing better -
Than what I've already found -

(instrumental - horns out)

"Face" time

I recently joined the millions of people who are a part of the Facebook family. It is amazing to see so many familiar names already a part of this social network. Even more amazing to me is that Facebook allows me to time travel in a way.

When I first signed up for my Facebook account, I decided to search around and see if I could find some of the faces from my more distant past. To my amazement, I found someone I went to school with in the 1970s, someone I worked with 20 years ago, and someone I went to school with in the mid-1990s.

I'm not sure this is what Einstein had in mind with his theory of relativity and his idea that one could travel in time if they could go faster than the speed of light. But to me it is a form of time travel and on several levels.

First, there is for me the sense of traveling back in time as reconnect with people from my distant past. In this regard, I think there is also a sense of rewriting history as I am able to at least slightly alter the endings of these relationships.

There is also a sense of time standing still or at least a blurring between past and present (and perhaps future) as I move back and forth amongst the people from my past and those of my present. I find myself at times trying to remember what I was like in these other lives and balance that against and with the person I am today.

Conversely, there is also a sense of time rushing past at a rate faster than normal. Having only been a "Facebooker" for a few days, I already see the potential for spending and even losing hours at a time posting, commenting on others' posts, searching for new friends, and checking to see which friends are online.

There is a similar contradiction in the whole notion of the "friend" on Facebook. Facebook offers the promise of connection with others, but I can already see just how illusory that promise can be. If someone confirms you as a friend or you confirm someone else as a friend but there is no subsequent interaction, just how much of a connection is there?

That is the double-edged sword of Facebook. There can be connection to the point of over-saturation, perhaps even addiction. At the same time, there is also the danger of public isolation for all to see. I have already come across a number of people for whom, when I click on their names, Facebook says they have no friends.

At the other end of the spectrum are those who have hundreds of friends, maybe more. (As I write this, I have 12.) Just how connected can one person be with hundreds of others? And just how connected can any one of those hundreds of people feel?

Does having such a large network of "friends" diminish the meaning and the sense of either connection or friendship? Or is this merely the next step in multitasking the many facets of our lives: work, family, friends, leisure? I'll be watching and reading on Facebook to see if I can answer that question for myself.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Warmer Weather and Other Random Thoughts

It's been a couple of months since my last post. So it is high time I updated this blog.

My last post had to do with our then new to the family Beagle, Oliver, and the impact he has had on me. That impact continues to grow, emotionally and, sadly, financially. This past week I had to take him back to the vet for another ear infections - $200, Ouch! My wife refers to Oliver as the "grand" dog because that's how much we have spent on him so far.

Now that the weather is starting to warm up around here we are dealing with another issue, shedding. So far, Oliver has left us enough hair to knit a fair-sized area rug.

On the plus side, the warmer weather is giving us a chance to find out how much fun camping with a dog can be. We made one trip out April 17-19 and hope to get out again soon, maybe this weekend. I think Oliver made the trip a much more memorable experience for all of us.

Since the last post, I hosted a dinner party for friends at our house. I think we ended up with ten or 11 people in all, and I know I had a great time cooking for everyone. I think they all had a good time eating as well. I hope to do something similar sometime in the fall. I love cooking for others and having the chance to get together with friends and hopefully get to know them better.

In the meantime, I continue the journey to know myself better. It has now been almost five months since I started seeing a therapist, and I feel I have come quite a ways although I am still most definitely a work in progress. I can say, though, that I feel like I am starting to cut away some of the scar tissue left by the events of my childhood.

I'm writing lyrics again, something I did quite frequently in my teens and 20s. I stopped when I got married because I thought I no longer needed to do that. These days, I find perhaps more than ever that writing lyrics allows me to get to some of the emotions long buried in me and to also express what for me are new emotions. Look for samples in future posts.

I could keep going, but I guess I'll save something for the next post. Until then, be well. Be happy.