Heard a co-worker come in this morning and state that she wanted to leave early today because she had an appointment for a pedicure. That sent my mind off in a dozen directions at once. At least. With apologies to Stephen Wright, here goes:
Why do people call it a manicure when women are much more likely to get one? If, as the Rolling Stones once said, “time is on my side,” why do I need to wear a watch on my wrist? If you’re not Formica, are you against it?
Why are UFOs called “unidentified flying objects?” If we call it a UFO, haven’t we just given it an identity? With all the current debate about immigration in America, do you suppose the French ever think about asking us to return the Statue of Liberty?
Do you think prostitutes ever get tired of being confused with garden implements? Why is an oven also known as a range when it isn't wide open and never goes anywhere? If you were a groundhog and saw a shadow that looked like that, wouldn't you be scared too?
How much lettuce should you feed a dust bunny? How long did it take God to stop laughing after putting Jimmy Swaggart and Jerry Lee Lewis in the same family tree?
Is the population in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico lower because they've killed all the liars? In order to get more done in Washington, should Congress consider changing its name to Progress?
Why do people buy big houses then spend most of their time in a couple of rooms or the garage? If you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, what does a one-legged person wait for?
What exactly is "a stitch in time," and why does it save nine? Nine what? If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, how would you really know whether it made a sound? Can a sound truly exist if no one hears it?
If it's true that the movie "The Greatest Story Ever Told" really was, why does anyone else bother? Finally, if a movie flashes up “The End” on screen, why does it sometimes then follow with ten minutes of credits?