Rising from the ashes.

 It has been four years since my last post on this blog, the blog that began my journey back in 2008 down the rabbit hole that is the blogosphere. It seemed time for it to make another appearance.

I'm not yet sure what I will devote these "pages" to. Unlike my other blog, My Wordsmithing, which is devoted to my songwriting, I began this blog to talk about whatever was on my mind, some of which I expected to hit as if it had come from out of left field. Hence the blog's title.

My goal is to keep the subject matter somewhat eclectic. So readers (if there are any) can expect to find the occasional book review, samples of my meager attempts at poetry, discussion of news articles I find interesting, and so on.

I will try to be disciplined enough to post two to three times a week, but we will see how far that intention carries me. Some posts will likely be short; others may have more meat on the bones, as it were. Hopefully, none of them will be too boring or tedious.

I hope you will come join me on this new or resumed blogging journey. I suspect there will be plenty to see From Out of Left Field.

2018 in Review

I'm generally not one for taking stock, but as 2018 comes to an end, I thought I would take a look back at what has been a pretty eventful year. Doing so also gives me an opportunity to resurrect this somewhat dormant blog.

The year has been somewhat eventful where Christopher is concerned. He got a job, lost a job, and has begun looking for a job once again. The process itself seemed to take forever and could possibly do so again.

On the music front, we played 27 shows in 2018, not counting our participation in parties or the monthly forum of the Idaho Songwriters Association. Perhaps our biggest and best performance came at the end of June when we took part in an ISA Songwriter Showcase at the Riverside Hotel's Sandbar Lounge. The crowd is probably the largest one we have played for, and it was a blast.

We have one performance scheduled so far for 2019, though I am hopeful of perhaps doing as many as 30. As has been the case the last couple of years, farmers' markets will likely make up the bulk of those shows. Hopefully we will see you out at one of the markets. If so, stop by and say hello.

One of the biggest events for me personally was my decision to take a class in podcasting. That led to my launching Measured Voices, a podcast featuring conversation and music with area songwriters. Now 23 episodes in, I can say I enjoy doing the podcast as much as I do writing and singing my own songs. I am so thankful to everyone who has guested on the podcast and also for all of the positive feedback the podcast has received.

On the subject of music, it was a busy year on the writing front. I shared 92 original songs in 2018 on my songwriting blog, My Wordsmithing. Two of those were repeats of other songs shared in 2018, and two others were revisions of songs shared earlier in the year. In 2019, I hope to top the 300 post mark on the songwriting blog. (I have 33 posts to go.)

In 2018, I did something musically I had never done before - I played my guitar (badly) and performed one of my songs solo at a songwriting workshop. In 2019, I may try to play in front of an audience. I have a candidate or two in mind. Stay tuned.

We rounded out 2018 musically by doing some recording of acoustic guitar and vocals. The goal is to put together a new CD of original music in time for summer. It looks like we may also sign up for a subscription service so that we can sell downloads of individual songs.

This year was an eventful one on the relationship front. Teresa and I celebrated our 25th anniversary. We marked the occasion by opening our home for an anniversary party to both musician and non-musician friends and celebrated with food, drink, and, of course, music. We had such a good time, we are thinking about hosting a Second Annual 25th Anniversary party next year.

2018 saw us doing more music, less camping, and spending a lot more time with friends. Music has allowed up to connect with people and develop some meaningful friendships where we laugh and sing and share music, as well as sharing some good food and good wine and good conversation.

My 2019 wish is for more of the same for me and for you. Happy New Year!

#227 - Struggling With Myself

Sometimes, the hardest battles are the ones you wage with yourself. For instance, at the moment, I am fighting over myself concerning just what it is I bring to the world's table. On days like this, I'm not so sure.

For instance . . . for years, I have called myself a writer or a would-be writer or a writer wannabe. The fact is, I really none of those. I can write and well. But I lack both the passion and the discipline to be a writer.

In college, I dabbled in writing poetry. I also wrote a novella. A bad novella, but a novella nonetheless. I have also written lyrics for somewhere in the neighborhood of 1,500 songs, roughly 50 of which have actually been put to music because I also lack the discipline and determination to learn any musical instrument well enough to be able to do my arrangements or write the music for any of my songs, many of which do have melodies bouncing around in my head.

I know in my heart that few people read anything I write or value any opinion I might have or any advice I might give. This blog, which was meant to be a continual stream of my thoughts, views, and ideas, has instead turned into the very occasional uttering of someone who writes when he gets too bored with the everyday trappings of his existence and finally feels the need to do something different or in addition to the normal routine.

In some ways, it is safe to say I lack the courage of my convictions, even the courage of my dreams. Along the way of my thus far 60-year journey on this planet, I have had and abandoned numerous dreams, none of which I apparently felt strongly about to risk pursuing. If I did, I might be the architect I dreamt of being in seventh grade or the lawyer I thought I would become in high school or even the world traveler I had hoped by now to be.

Instead, I respond on Facebook to people who hold views opposed to those I say I hold or try to make humorous comments about something someone else has posted. Or I agree with someone about something they have said.

I am not on the front lines of any fight or even on the back lines, for that matter. I sit safely at my desk, at my computer, and watch the world go by, rushing past me ever faster, without the courage to join in.

I think I can sing. I think I can write. But it wasn't until I was nearly 60 years of age that I even tried to share my singing or my songwriting with others. It turns out few want to hear it.

The first post of this blog was written January 25, 2008. That means that in a little more than four months this blog will be ten years old. In nearly ten years, I have managed to write 227 posts counting this one. I have managed to draw all of 15,068 total views in that time, which is actually more than I expected.

This year, I have written nine posts, including this one. It isn't that I don't think I have things to say. It's just that most days I don't say them because I don't think anyone will read or care what I have to say.

I have had three posts out of 226 previous posts that have garnered more than 100 page views. Roughly one-third of my posts have been viewed by fewer than ten people, including one just last month. Four posts have never been viewed. If I am a writer, I am a niche writer at best.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with any of this. Perhaps it's self-pity. Perhaps it's a realization that whatever I have to say isn't really all that unique. Who knows?

When I started this blog, it was not actually with the idea that it would attract a large following. On the other hand, I did hope that some people would read it. Occasionally, some people do. More often, though, people do not.

I'm not sure what any of this means for the future of this blog. I sometimes wish I had a focused interest or handful of interests that people could rely on reading about on these virtual pages. It would likely result in a more reliable readership, not to mention a more predictable publishing pattern. But I don't.

Unfortunately, my interests can change from day to day, just as my mind can wander from one subject to the next, sometimes without warning. That, in fact, may be the key reason I cannot consider myself an actual writer. My mind is often not capable of staying engaged in a subject long enough to write about it. That, in term, may be why I write song lyrics and not longer forms of prose.

Truth is, I don't really know that either. On the other hand, since it is likely that few people will see this, let alone read it, I suppose I can use this blog as a sounding board.

For a while, I had hopes of easily reaching 500 posts on this blog, which is why I began numbering them. Now that seems a bit out of reach since I am less than halfway to that number one decade into writing this blog.

Right now, at this moment, I do not know what it is I want to say or what it is I have to say. Perhaps things will be different tomorrow. In which case I'll be back with a new entry, though I'm not counting on it.

#199 - One To Go

The title of this entry has a dual meaning. The first, perhaps more obvious meaning. refers to the fact that I write this on the last day of 2015. Hence the "one to go."

The other meaning refers to the number given this entry and the fact that I need one more post to reach 200 on this blog. Given that I began this blog in 2009, that is not a great deal of entries, especially when I intended several times to post more frequently.

However, those intentions never came to pass, either because I didn't have anything to say or because I didn't feel like it or I was simply too lazy. I've no illusions that will suddenly change in the coming year, but you never know.

2015 turned out to be a more eventful and event-filled years than someone of my advancing years might have any right or reason to expect. The year was a watershed for me musically as I got the opportunity to perform my songs publicly for the first time anywhere ouside of a couple of weddings more than 20 years earlier.

That came about thanks to the help of my talented wife Teresa, without whom my songs would simply be bad poems. With her help, I also recorded my first CD to send out to friends and family. (I say that as if there will be many more instead of it being perhaps my only CD, but who knows?) I still have roughly 50 copies if anyone wants to buy one.

In 2015, we also bought our first motorhome, a 2005 model that quickly became a home on wheels for us and something we hope to use even more in the coming year. Once the weather warms, that is.

Perhaps the biggest event of 2015 was our trip to Washington, DC with our son to celebrate his recognition as one of eight national winners of a playwriting competition sponsored by a division of the Kennedy Center. It was a whirlwind weekend that yielded material for a couple of songs, a couple of proud parents, and a lifetime of memories.

One of my Facebooks friends (and a former colleague/boss from my television days) shared a post that 2016 is going to be an amazing year. I hope it is, but it will have to go some to come close to, let alone top the amazing year that was 2015.

#175 - Fighting That Blah-g Feeling

Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit blah and nothing feeling like I have much to say or write about. My day to day life is not all that exciting – eat, work, sleep, rinse and repeat – and some things are best not blogged about, at least until I get the okay from “the boss.”

None of that explains why I’m feeling a bit blasé these days. Perhaps it’s the fact that summer is winding down, which means colder weather won’t be far behind. I know many sweltering in triple-digit heat would welcome some much cooler temperatures about now, living in Idaho, I won’t be one of them.

Perhaps it’s knowing that, while we try to use our RV year-round, with school about to start back up, our opportunities to get out will diminish. Even though we still have a few trips planned before the end of the year, it still feels as if RV season is ending for some reason as we will have to winterize the beast before too long, which means we won’t be able to use all of its systems to their fullest.

Maybe it’s simply that I’m feeling in a reflective mood, and I’m not all that happy with the reflection I see. I look at where I am, where I thought I’d be, what I’ve done, and what I haven’t done in my life. As it likely is for most people, the picture is a mixed one.

At some level, I've always been a dreamer. This can be both good and bad. It is good in the sense that having a dream or two has made it possible for me to get through many a mundane 9 to 5 day. On the other hand, having a dream without possessing the willpower, determination, or perhaps talent to make that dream come true can be frustrating and demoralizing. I struggle occasionally with that one.

It could be that I’m simply over-thinking things. Or maybe I just need to work some more exercise (mental and physical) into my routine. Perhaps I simply need to reflect more on what I do have – a wonderful wife and son, a home, a beagle (can’t forget him), fairly decent health, no massive debt, and the aforementioned RV.

While I do that, simply think of this entry as a placeholder until I think of something else to write.

#145 - More Random Thoughts

I've been thinking a lot lately about writing, which means I haven't been doing much of it. Well, that's not quite true. I've been doing more song lyric writing of late, something that seems to come in starts and stops, much as it has for 40 years.

I think the writing has gotten better. After 40 years, it would have to improve, wouldn't you think? One thing it has done is gotten more introspective, I think. I've been writing of late about the things left undone, perhaps as a sort of purge as I begin to think about the things I hope to do as I begin to look forward to the next stage of life.

One of the things I hope to do in that next stage is travel. Deep down, I think I am a restless spirit. My wife and I both tell people we are nomads or gypsies and cite the fact that both of our fathers were truck drivers. I think I've always had an urge to roam. When I was younger, I saw moving as a way to break from my mistakes, to make a clean start, if you will.

In my previous life in television and radio, I moved seven times over a ten year period. I was not one for putting down roots. Now, after living ten years in the same city, I have an urge to move again, although perhaps not at quite the same pace.

There is one blog I read regularly that captures a good sense of the kind of life I am looking to lead. That blog, rvsue and her canine crew, captures the daily essence for me of life along the road less traveled (to borrow from the M. Scott Peck book of the same name). As Sue paints it in her word portraits, life is not always exciting, but it is always fresh and always real.

Sue's blog has, at last count, attracted in excess of one million visits. The figure is mind boggling to me, not least of all because this blog stands at roughly 0.02% of that figure. I'm not jealous of that success, but I am most certainly in awe of it.

Thinking about Sue's blog and mine got me to thinking about my rationale for numbering my blog posts. When I first decided to number my posts, I think I did so in order to see how far I had come, a means of measurement, I suppose. I've also come to see the numbering as a way of showing myself that I was writing something substantial, even if it wasn't always of great import.

Writing, although I see it as one of my talents, is not something I can easily sit down to do. The numbering became an easy way for me to measure production, I suppose, especially since I still can't make myself sit down to write that novel.

I am also coming to see the numbering of blog posts in a different light. The numbers are becoming to me something like stepping stones or mileposts along the way. Some travel blogs contain maps with numbers that illustrate where the author was at a given point of time. The numbers serve to allow the readers to visually follow along with the author on his or her journey.

I am coming to see my blog post numbers as serving a similar purpose. Subconsciously, perhaps, the numbers allow any readers to follow a map of my journey. I cannot post a visual map of my mind (it would be very messy, for one thing), so the numbers are as close as I can come.

One last number just came to mind. At my current rate of page views, I only need to write 59, 736 more posts to reach a million views. One down, 59,735 to go.