#152 - Where Did My Hour Go?

“It’s just another manic Monday.” – The Bangles

At this moment, I truly do wish it were Sunday (as the song continues). Not because Monday marks the start of another work week, although there is also that. No, it’s much worse than that. It is nothing less than what I am sure must be an insidious plot to make all of us automatons for several days while who knows what takes place. The plot of which I speak is Daylight Savings Time.

This weekend marked the beginning of Daylight Savings Time, that artificial extension of daylight hours originally intended to help conserve energy. Benjamin Franklin is said to have first proposed such a system so as to make more economical use of candles. The energy saving aspect is what caused Daylight Savings to be used during World War I and to be more permanently implemented during World War II. In the 1970s, the time frame for Daylight Savings Time was extended for additional energy savings during the oil embargo.

The period was later extended and codified at eight months in length, again presumably for energy savings. I’m sure it is mere coincidence that the eight month period of Daylight Savings just happens to coincide with prime growing and tourism seasons as opposed to those times of the year when we might truly benefit from an extra hour of daylight, the winter. I fully expect in the next few years that Daylight Savings Time will be extended once more, allowing it to run through Black Friday so that the mob of shoppers seeking out Christmas bargains can trample each other with an extra hour of daylight to run amok in. That’s only a few weeks past the current end date for Daylight Savings Time, so it would not require much of a change and could be made again under the guise of “saving energy.”

Now, don’t get me wrong. I like Daylight Savings Time as much as the next person. During the summer and early autumn, both prime camping periods, I can enjoy extra hours of daylight out in the RV. I like having plenty of daylight whenever I can take the RV out of town for the weekend.

What I don’t like as much is that first day of Daylight Savings Time, when we lose an hour due to the adjustment of the clocks. Yes, it’s in the middle of the night, when we are presumably sleeping. And yes, we get that hour back sometime in the fall. However, that first day after “springing forward,” I don’t like doing anything close to “springing.” Instead, I feel like a walking billboard for Night of the Living Dead, as my body knows there is something amiss, even if it can’t quite put its finger on it.

At the start of Daylight Savings Time, I feel sluggish and continue to feel that way for several days, until my body finally adjusts to the change. For those first few days, Daylight Savings Time (DST) becomes more like Sleep Deprivation Time (SDT). While later I will enjoy and appreciate the additional hour of daylight, right now, I just want my hour back so I can catch up on that lost sleep.

#79 - Thoughts on Solitude and Loneliness

Over the last three days, I've had the chance to spend some time alone. Teresa and Christopher flew to Alabama to visit Teresa's family, and I took the dog, hitched up the fifth wheel, and headed to Anderson Ranch Reservoir, about a two-hour drive from Boise.

I parked the trailer roughly 50-feet from the water's edge. Thursday, I had the beach to myself. The sun was out, and I was able to enjoy the quiet. I pulled out a chair and sat by the water, reading. Oliver and I also got in a nice long walk along the shoreline. All in all, a very nice day spent relaxing and contemplating.

Friday, I gained some neighbors, who parked their rigs about 50-yards away. Without knowing it, I had apparently parked in the spot where the best fishing from the shore was to be had.

With their arrival also came a change in the weather. It got cloudier, breezier, and cooler. And the solitude became a little lonely. I started thinking about Teresa and Christopher and wishing they were with me. I actually began to think about cutting my stay short. Instead, I fired up the generator and watched a movie.

Saturday was even cooler and windier and more overcast than Friday, and I was seriously considering whether to pack up and head home. It felt a little like being stuck inside on a rainy day except there was no one to do anything with. Just as I was about to decide to head home, the skies cleared and with them, my mood. I decided to stay another night.

Sunday morning, I was still trying to decide whether to pull out or stay another night (since I also have Monday off). I started to do dishes and then realized I was actually packing stuff away. My decision was made.

It was a beautiful day for the drive - sunny but not too warm. Part of me considered staying, as I would have had my section of the beach all to myself again, but more practical concerns (waste water storage among them) convinced me I made the right decision.

Two years ago I would not have risked making this trip alone. I'm glad I did. Having Oliver along certainly helped, but I learned I am able to enjoy time alone.

I also learned how important weather can be to one's mood, especially when you are out on your own. When the sun was shining, I was able to enjoy the solitude, but when it was cloudy and windy or even raining and I had to stay inside, I felt isolated, which is, I suppose, the negative side of solitude.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, I learned how much having Teresa and Christopher along means to me. Even when I crave some solitude or alone time, knowing they are there and available gives me an incredible security blanket and the knowledge that I am not alone, at least not in the sense of being lonely.

#72 - Reunifying Heart, Mind, and Spirit

"Oh, give me land, lots of land under starry skies above. Don't fence me in." - Cole Porter

Recently, I was catching up with a friend and former co-worker via e-mail. As friends who haven't spoken for a while often do, we talked about what we had been up to of late.

One of the things I have been up to is getting out with the family in our fifth-wheel trailer every weekend we can. So far this year, we have managed nearly 30 nights with at least 12 or 13 more planned.

In mentioning that, I reflected on the feeling that I am more outgoing and more social when we are in a campground with our trailer, than we are in our own neighborhood. I put forth the notion that at least part of that may be due to the fact that there are usually few if any fences inside a campground.

In a campground you and your neighbors are truly neighbors in a much more communal way than in any kind of residential development or neighborhood. On our last outing, we met a nice couple from nearby Nampa and ended up sitting and talking for an hour or two. I don't really see that happening in most neighborhoods.

There is, of course, a shared common bond of being outdoors, but people are outdoors in their back yards all the time, and I doubt if they talk to anyone but their spouse or children or pet. I think the fences have a lot to do with that.

Fences serve a number of functions. They help to keep your pets from invading the yard of another. They also help to delineate property lines. In other words, they keep others out. They also keep you in, to some extent.

Fences compartmentalize us and separate us and perhaps isolate us as well. They make it easier for shy people to keep to themselves. And of course, they protect our privacy.

In our homes behind our fenced yards, we are a very private people. I don't get to know you; you don't get to know me. We shut each other out and remain complete strangers. We become compartmentalized, in a way.

In a campground, the lack of fences removes one barrier to conversation and interaction. We are taken out of our fenced compartments and put into the mix with others who have been taken out of their compartments. The setting and the circumstances are more conducive to interaction, and as a result, we often find ourselves interacting with others, others we might never talk to if they were on the other side of the fence from us.

America, especially the West, espouses the notion of "rugged individualism." Privacy is an important piece of that concept. Yet we are also at some level a communal people. The Declaration of Independence, after all, begins with the phrase "We the people," not "I, one person."

Fences serve to remove a part of us from our inner being. When I am in a campground with my family and with no fences, I rediscover and reconnect with that missing piece. I find myself more at ease, more at peace, and more at one with my surroundings. I feel more whole.

I'm not necessarily suggesting we all tear down the fences around our yards. But it might be a good idea if we stepped out from behind those fences (physical, mental, and emotional) once in a while and looked at the world and the people beyond our fences. You might feel a little lighter if you do. I know I do.

#65 - Easter Reflections

It is Monday evening as I write this, the Monday after Easter. Many are thinking about the just concluded national championship game in college basketball. Me, I am thinking about our just concluded weekend at Bruneau Dunes State Park, about 90-minutes southeast of Boise.

The dunes are a unique geological formation in that the wind patterns work in such a matter that the sand dune formations remain virtually the same year in, year out.

The dunes are, in essence timeless, a characteristic I try to apply to our trips, whether they last a few days or a week or more. Although we may bring a watch or a clock, we don't spend much time watching them or counting down toward anything.

I initially was going to call our trip a camping excursion, but I know some say it isn't camping unless you pitch a tent and roll out a sleeping bag on the hard ground. So I won't call it camping.

What I will call it is getting into my comfort zone. I find I am generally more comfortable and more relaxed when I am parked in a campground, even as opposed to relaxing at home. There are many reasons for that, I'm sure, but I suspect one of them is that a state of calm and serenity exists, and is even imposed by my surroundings.

Any chance I have to get away from the demands of everyday life, I want to take it. Sure, some of the demands are the same when we are set up in some campground, but they seem to take on a more timeless aspect. Most things don't have to be done within a certain time frame. Time itself is measured in terms of today and tomorrow and not in terms of minutes and hours.

One of the things I like best about hitching up the trailer and going out of town is that I get to engage in one of my favorite activities, cooking. I don't mean the "it's 5:30, I just got home from work and need to fix dinner" kind of cooking. I mean the "I have as much time as I want to spend, so what would I like to make" kind of cooking.

So, our Easter weekend at Bruneau Dunes meant chicken and dumplings, home-baked bread, ribs, and dutch oven pizza. And, for Easter morning breakfast, a chance to work on presentation, with an arrangement of cottage cheese, sliced apple, and a hard boiled egg that I titled Venus Fly trap.

Every time we hitch up the trailer and head out somewhere, we manage to combine the best aspects of our home life with the splendor of creation. We read, watch movies, hike, take pictures, and basically spend a good deal more time together. This weekend was no exception.

It was yet another wonderful weekend away from the day to day. I've come to expect nothing less from our excursions, which is why I always look forward to them.

#63 - Random Musings

I don't really have a specific topic, but I realized I had not posted in a while, so I hope you'll forgive this series of brief and random reflections.

All weekends should be three-day weekends. Two days just doesn't seem enough time to recover and unwind from the previous week. It also is not enough of a buffer before the start of the week to come.

To me, it doesn't get much better than a Saturday afternoon sitting in a nice wooded campground, enjoying a nice glass of wine or a cold beer. Unless, of course, it is a Saturday evening in a nice wooded campground, enjoyed a nice glass of wine and a juicy grilled steak.

Television would be much better if it were a little less "real." Reality TV? Who are they kidding? What is so real about about putting a bunch of strangers and making them perform a number of artificially contrived challenges? And how many people do you know who can work out six to eight hours a day every day to drop 200 pounds of excess weight?

Anyone who claims insight into the will of God is either a con artist or is delusional. I now believe that no one faith has a monopoly on the Truth and that two people can have fundamentally different beliefs yet both be right - and wrong - at the same time.

I am discouraged by the name-calling and bickering that passes for political debate these days. Perhaps if we could find a way to concentrate of the ways in which we are alike instead of focusing on our differences we might better be able to find solutions to the issues our modern world faces.

Could it be that ignorance truly is bliss. I find I am much more peaceful on those days when I do not read the news or the political ramblings of others. I am much more at ease when I do not take the bait and respond to those with whom I disagree, for they cannot hear me anyway.

When I was younger, I loved to talk politics and to even argue politics with others. These days, I love to cook and take the trailer out for a weekend. Somehow, I think I am much better off.

The Search . . . . is over

On Monday, a deal for what could possibly have been our first fifth wheel trailer fell through. On Friday, we looked at another candidate, another 1998 model, a 35-foot Excel. The brand was a quality brand when it was around, and this trailer looked great on the inside. The outside, however, had a few too many problems for our liking and for the price being asked. So we decided to pass again.

Saturday, my birthday. A new day and yet another trailer to look at. This one was a little older, a 1995 model Kit Cordova. Because of the age, I didn't hold out a lot of hope, but I figured it was worth a look. After all, the price was right and we didn't have anything else planned.

We arrived at the dealer (a different one from the one we had been talking to before) and the salesman took us out to look at the trailer. Right from the start, we were pleasantly surprised. From the outside, it certainly did not look like a 14-year old trailer. We took a look inside. All of the cabinet doors were solid when they closed and none of them were coming loose. The couch, chair, and carpet looked to be in good shape. The stove looked almost new, and the refrigerator actually looked in great shape.

In the bedroom, the mattress looked new. There was plenty of interior storage. The shower enclosure might need some repair, but it looked usable. For an older unit, there also appeared to be a good deal of exterior storage, and there was a good amount of cargo carrying capacity. The roof also looked better than several other trailers we had looked at.

There was a little rust underneath but less than many newer units we looked at. Teresa and I talked about it and probably filtered our discussion through the many other units we had looked at and passed on. And, when it was all said and done, we decided to buy it.

So we now have a 33-foot fifth wheel, and we can't wait to start using it. We pick it up Friday and will probably have a shakedown cruise, as it were, that weekend. Then we'll be ready to do some four-season camping. I can't wait.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

It has been exactly one week since we returned from our nine-day excursion to south-central Utah. What a wonderful excursion it was! This may have been the most scenic and most relaxing vacation I have ever had.

Last year, we drove 11 hours to southwest Oregon and spent time seeing the Oregon and California coasts, Redwoods National Park, and Crater Lake National Park. Very beautiful but very exhausting. It felt like we did all three of those over consecutive days, even though I know we did not.

Compounding that was the fact that I was anticipating a possible new job, the offer for which came during our trip to Crater Lake. That meant an unplanned additional day's driver to find a Kinko's from which to fax back my acceptance of the job offer. Needless to say, when we returned I was exhausted and felt like I needed another vacation in order to recover.

Not so this time, even we did as much if not more sightseeing. Our campsite, in Fish Lake National Forest, was at 8800-feet, which led to cool, crisp nights and some great sleeping weather. The days were mostly cool and often wet, but we did not let that stop us from making road trips to three national parks, each perhaps more spectacular than the one before.

During our nine days, we made visits to, in order: Capitol Reef, Bryce Canyon, and Arches National Parks. We managed to put at least one day of rest in-between each park, which allowed us time to recharge our batteries. That spacing made each park more enjoyable and more picturesque, as evidenced by the fact that we took more than 500 pictures, and our son took nearly 200 additional pictures. (I promise to post some as soon as I get a chance to organize them.)

There are some wondrous sites to see in this country, and I hope to see more of them in the coming years. For now, just let me say that everyone should travel to see some of these wonderful places in Utah, and if you do go, be sure to try the buffalo burger at the Burger Bar in Roy, just north of Salt Lake City. Their shakes are fantastic as well.

And if you happen to be driving through Koosharem, a small town of fewer than 300 people seemingly in the middle of nowhere on Highway 62, 156 miles from Salt Lake City, be sure to stop by the Koosharem Cafe and have the Country Fried Steak meal. Very good food at a very good price.

It's Camping Season

This year, my allergies are the worst they have been since moving to Idaho in 2003. I've spent a great deal of time sneezing, reaching for a tissue, or trying to gouge my eyes out to stop the itching. If it isn't one of those, then it's the problem of trying to stay awake and alert after doping myself beyond the recommended dosage in a futile quest for relief.

In spite of these miseries, I am as happy as I have been in several months. Why? Because it is camping season once again. We already have three trips under our belt this season, with our big trip coming in less than two weeks, an eight-day stay in Utah. I am really looking forward to it.

This year, despite the allergies, camping is in many ways more fun than in years past. One key reason is that I am finally coming to terms with some of my demons that have haunted me for years. Another key reason is the addition of Oliver, our beagle, to the family.

The addition of a dog has changed our camping experience for the better. Oliver is an instant four-legged icebreaker. On our last camping trip, one of the volunteer camp host couples pulled into our campsite, apologized for the intrusion, then told us how much they admired our beagle.

We've spoken to several other beagle owners about owning perhaps the most stubborn breed in the canine world. We've had other dog owners apologize for the behavior of their dogs even as we have been compelled to apologize for Oliver. As a lifelong introvert, the whole transformation caused in the amount we interact with other campers simply by adding a dog to our family has been incredible.

I have come to truly love camping, even the setting up. I enjoy cooking at nearly all times, but it is even more fun when camping, especially when I can surprise with whatever I create. The food almost always seems to taste better. The wine most certainly does. The sunsets seem more spectacular, the stars seem brighter, and the moon seems closer.

Teresa calculates that, based on the amount of nights we already have scheduled and reserved this season, we will top the 100-night mark in the tent trailer we bought in June, 2006. With a little luck and perhaps a fall outing or two, we might push that number closer to 110. Most of them have been truly wonderful. We've been to some really lovely settings, and we've only scratched the surface. One day, we hope to make such outings a full-time adventure. I can't wait!

Memorial Day Weekend

It's here at last, Memorial Day weekend, the unofficial start to summer. If you're like most people, you'll be doing one of two things: camping or getting together with friends and/or family to do a little grilling and perhaps a little more drinking.

I will actually be doing a bit of both. Teresa, Christopher and I will be camping in eastern Oregon this weekend. While we're in our home away from home, I expect we'll do a little drinking, especially some red wine with some grilled steaks on Saturday. I also plan to try my hand at making some apple cobbler in our dutch oven.

I hope each of you has a wonderful and safe holiday weekend. Whatever you'll be doing this weekend, I hope you will take a few moments to remember the real reason for Memorial Day.

Whether you agreed with the specific policies at the time or not (and I disagreed with many of them), take a moment to honor those who did their duty as it was given to them and in the end paid the ultimate price. Because we as people are sometimes unable or unwilling to understand, accept, or tolerate a point of view that does not agree with our own, others are asked to put themselves in harm's way

Perhaps one day, those we remember on Memorial Day will seem to have come from an almost mythical past, somewhat in the same sense that we now think about the medieval era (the legends of King Arthur, for example). Sadly, though, I feel we are destined to continue to try to resolve our differences on the battlefield and that there will be new names to remember on Memorial Days to come. Would that it were not so.

Warmer Weather and Other Random Thoughts

It's been a couple of months since my last post. So it is high time I updated this blog.

My last post had to do with our then new to the family Beagle, Oliver, and the impact he has had on me. That impact continues to grow, emotionally and, sadly, financially. This past week I had to take him back to the vet for another ear infections - $200, Ouch! My wife refers to Oliver as the "grand" dog because that's how much we have spent on him so far.

Now that the weather is starting to warm up around here we are dealing with another issue, shedding. So far, Oliver has left us enough hair to knit a fair-sized area rug.

On the plus side, the warmer weather is giving us a chance to find out how much fun camping with a dog can be. We made one trip out April 17-19 and hope to get out again soon, maybe this weekend. I think Oliver made the trip a much more memorable experience for all of us.

Since the last post, I hosted a dinner party for friends at our house. I think we ended up with ten or 11 people in all, and I know I had a great time cooking for everyone. I think they all had a good time eating as well. I hope to do something similar sometime in the fall. I love cooking for others and having the chance to get together with friends and hopefully get to know them better.

In the meantime, I continue the journey to know myself better. It has now been almost five months since I started seeing a therapist, and I feel I have come quite a ways although I am still most definitely a work in progress. I can say, though, that I feel like I am starting to cut away some of the scar tissue left by the events of my childhood.

I'm writing lyrics again, something I did quite frequently in my teens and 20s. I stopped when I got married because I thought I no longer needed to do that. These days, I find perhaps more than ever that writing lyrics allows me to get to some of the emotions long buried in me and to also express what for me are new emotions. Look for samples in future posts.

I could keep going, but I guess I'll save something for the next post. Until then, be well. Be happy.

Being Lonely versus Being Alone

I sit here typing in the middle of a deserted campground - deserted save for me, my wife, and my son - the three of us in our tent trailer, the only inhabitants of this state park campground. As I sit and type, I realize I am lonely.

I was often lonely when I was single, so I always equated the feeling of loneliness with being alone. Yet I am not alone here. Still, I feel lonely. A sense of melancholy hangs over me as I realize how little I fit in with those around me even when there is no one around me. This feeling was eased a little when a couple other campers set up in this campground, but it did not go away entirely.

For instance, what does it say about me when the person I see as my best friend, the person with whom I feel the greatest sense of connection in the outside world is someone who lives more than 300 miles away in another state and is someone I may never actually see again? Whatever it says, I can't imagine it is all that good.

When I was single, I always had the excuse of being alone to explain my loneliness. There was some comfort in that because it created the sense that I could end my loneliness simply by being around other people.

That is how I have always dealt with that loneliness - by putting myself in a setting where I could surround myself with others. Yet I never really made a connection with any of them or them with me. I was still lonely, and I still felt alone.

I managed to escape that feeling or at least delude myself that I had escaped it after my marriage. I was busy enough trying to be a decent husband and later a decent father that I rarely had time to feel lonely or alone.

Lately, though, that has changed. I changed jobs and have yet to make any friends in my new position aside from the aforementioned friend in another state. Part of that is the new workplace itself. Everyone is usually very busy, and that makes it hard to make a connection. The other part of it is somewhat geographical. I sit all but alone in my area of the department. The nearest people to me are almost all managers.

The third part of it is something lacking in me. I am not by nature an extremely warm or outgoing person. As a result, people do not tend to gravitate to me. At times, I suspect I come off as cold or aloof.

At other times, I may come across as too needy because I do recognize this giant hole in my life. For whatever reason, there are times when my wife and son are unable to fill this gap. Because of that, I think I end up distancing myself from them and making my problem worse.

Some might label this depression, and perhaps they are right. Perhaps it is the feeling of growing old and not having accomplished anything I thought I would. Or perhaps it is simply the onset of the holiday season and realizing that again this year we will not see friends or family over Thanksgiving or Christmas. Perhaps it is all of the above.

After all of that, perhaps there is no real difference between feeling lonely and feeling alone, merely scale. (The physicality of being alone is another matter.) And right now, the scale tips way out of balance.

It's January, so that must mean . . . camping!

Since moving to Idaho, our family has rediscovered a love of camping. (Well, my son says he doesn't want to go, but when it's time to leave, he doesn't want to go home.) Last year, we got in 36 nights of camping, starting in March and wrapping up our season in September.

This year, we wanted to get an earlier start, and you can't start any earlier than January. So, over the weekend prior to Martin Luther King's birthday, that's what we did. (I'm sure we must be certifiable, but no one has filed papers yet - and - they have to catch us first!)

For our first camping trip of 2008, we went back to the site of our first trip of 2007, Woodhead Park in Hell's Canyon along the Idaho-Oregon border. We hooked up our trusty tent trailer to our Subaru Outback and made the three-hour drive. Along the way, we questioned our sanity, as the thermometer inside our car registered a less than tropical outside temperature of seven degrees at one point.

However, as you can see from the view across the reservoir from our campsite, the surroundings more than made up for the slightly chilly temperatures. Plus, the temperature warmed up some 25-degrees by the time we reached our destination.

On our first night in the campground, we shared the facility and the view with one other couple. On Sunday, the campground was all ours. In between, some three-inches of new snow fell, enough for my son and I to take a stab at making a snowman. During the weekend, we took dozens of pictures, some of which I will work on posting somewhere on line as I get time, and we ate some very good food, if I do say so myself.

I suspect we'll be back yet again and soon. I also hope this will be the start of a wonderful, jam-packed camping season. May your travels take you to equally wonderful destinations.